on the road again...

it's time for another fun-filled regional conference...only this year I'm not all that excited about it, except that I get to go to St. Louis. My problem is that I have experience excellent groups of people, amazing presentations and sincere individuals who really want to know everyone; not to mention it's over Final Four weekend. Now, I know that you need to do certain things at certain times, but it only cements the knowledge that this field is 87% female and large percentage of that group does not respect March Madness.
So here's the deal, now I'm in a different "region," which means basically a new realm of people. Two years ago, my first year here, I couldn't go to the conference because of funds, time, travel, homework, etc. Last year, I was so up to my neck in research participants both for my study and the typical schedule that I was only able to attend one presentation and a dinner (instead of the full 2 1/2 days). Besides the cool stuff my university did (since we hosted) I wasn't really all that impressed and was even less enthused at our national conference. But I have decided that I will give it a shot, try to be open-minded and hope for the best. Deep down I don't think it's gonna be up to what I'm used to experiencing; I think my expectations will be met--that I will interact with the very few people I know, that no one new will introduce themselves to me or respond with more than an acknowledging smirk when I attempt to greet them, and that those in charge will continue to listen to the same people who have been part of the organization for the last 15+ years.
Enough grumbling...I have to admit I've become a nosey neighbor, in the extent that I watch the crazy people in my neighborhood. My next-door neighbor's daughter thinks she's becoming a racist because of her response to those who live around us. Granted, we are the ethnic minority on our street, but what we're afraid of has nothing to do with skin color. It's all about presentation and actions and the actions we are seeing and sketchy at best. Ah the joys of the ghetto...

love the weather...hate the neighborhood

I'm really starting to like this blogging thing. This weekend was nice, but lazy. I think I could/should have seen some patients on Saturday, but since I saw them all the week before and got a great chance to relax a little, I'm not feeling as bad. I also got to take advantage of Matt signing us up for the Blockbuster Total Access thingy. I watched The Break-up and Pirates of the Caribbean:Dead Man's Chest. Okay, so we own Pirates, but I hadn't watched it in several weeks so I was due. As for The Break-up, eh, I've seen better. There were excellent parts and I could completely relate to the mind games she was pulling, but I didn't care for the ending. It made me sad.
With the weather so beautiful yesterday I was excited to finally remove the plastic from our windows. Though the weathermen/women say we shouldn't get too excited about the wonderful 70s we've been experiencing, I can't help but be optomistic toward warmth. As with any first warm weekend, everything and everyone came out of the woodwork...and I mean everything! I did take a few minutes to get Sydne down to the park, figuring she'd growl and scare certain people in case they thought about being naughty (but I still had the cell phone in my back pocket just in case). It gave me even more incentive to get the heck out of this neighborhood. Last year we got a beautiful gazebo with fresh paint and great detail. That detail has now been "enhanced" with spray paint and shitty writings. It is really sad when I fuss that the city could use spraypaint resistant paint on the buildings. I can only imagine how much more calm Sydne will be when she gets her own house, with her own yard and NO DRUG DEALERS! Or at least if they are drug dealers, they'll be stay-at-home Moms dealing ritalin.

growing up (within reason)

I talked to my step-mom tonight and admitted I knew about the impending "bundle of joy." It was a fun conversation talking with her. Maybe I'm getting better at dealing; maybe I'm growing up...nah. Then again, this was only conversation number one and I got to call her "Granny Jo" and she laughed. Let's see what happens when I do that every time I talk to her. I am happy for her, too, I guess. She's really excited and I don't blame her. My mom would be, too, and I think my dad would crumble like a leaf at the first sight of a baby. He's a total softy.
On a very, very unintentional, yet gloating, way I am proud of myself for being so nice to her and I think I might be growing up a little bit. Then again, it could just be a momentary lapse of consciousness. Either way, I'll take it.

Bigs News

My brother and his wife are gonna have a kid. I'm happy for them, but in the same respect I'm a little frustrated because I'm gonna have to hear about "Marc and Challen"until the end of time. Not to mention if/when I get pregnant it will be "Challen did this...", "Challen did that..." and it's gonna make me resent the holy hell out of them. I mean, it's not Marc's fault his mother makes me insane.
So deep down, I'm happy for him. I'm happy for both of them. I'm just bummed I don't even feel like I've begun to approach that yet. We have 3 pregnant women at work. I currently have a collected of 7 people, which means 2 more people I know are in the fix to get knocked-up. Watch out if you know me 'cause I have something similar to the Midas touch, only mine involves babies instead of gold. Wish it was gold.

First try

So this is what it's like to have a blog...hmmm. I've never been very good at keeping a journal, but let's see how this goes.
I have a ton of stuff floating around in my head right now. Thus, the title.
I found out about a Fulbright on Friday of last week and the application is due next Thursday giving me a whopping 15 days to decide if it's something I want to try and to get everything done. This wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have so many other things to consider: work, Matt, my career, my topic, Matt, my family, my future, Matt, finding a house, Matt. I've gotten feedback both pro and con with nearly all of it encouraging me to give it a try. I mean, my fear is that if I don't at least apply, I'll never know and always wonder the horrid "what if?" which I never really want to have. So what's freaking me out. The fact that if I won, Matt and I could live in Ireland for a year, IRELAND!! It would be an amazing experience, I must say. The focus would be working with the "Traveller" community as well as the refugee/asylum seekers. I think it would be amazing and would really broader my therapeutic horizons as well as give me an amazing focus for a possible future dissertation. I'm still in that state of not knowing exactly what type of therapist I want to be when I "grow up." If I ever do grow up.
I love the people I work with now at the hospital, but the job here isn't a "sure thing," at least not yet. There could also be the possibility of waiting until Matt is done with his coursework and trying to apply for the year he would be writing. Seeing as I don't know his current topic, it could be a good thing. Unless, that is, he chooses a specific genre of music in the US, then that kills the chances of that.
Still weighing the pros and cons; making a list of what I want. My favorite advice I've gotten is to follow my heart, but my heart is confused, too. I want to be with Matt (wherever he is), but there is a part of me that aches to help people-not just the people in hospice, where I can see change, but to impact somebody's life for a very long time. That may sound greedy, but knowing that I could help someone to better another's life seems more rewarding to me. Maybe that's something I'm not seeing when I'm at hospice. Rather introspective...