Talk about a 180 from yesterday. Today I am experiencing a combination of many emotions: happiness, frustration, anxiety, apathy, sadness to name a few.
Yesterday, one of my coworkers had a beautiful little girl. We anxiously watched their blog all day as they posted various progressions (and non-progressions) throughout the labor. It was wonderful and I was so excited for them. Their little girl arrived at almost 8 p.m. and I was so elated for their new, beautiful, health addition to their family. But almost as quickly as I celebrated for them, I felt a huge sadness come over me (with a bit of pre-emtpive jealousy). While I am so very happy for these 2 amazing people, I ache to have a little one of my own and it's not just the "oh, I 'd like to have a baby one day" kind of feeling. It almost feels like a need to have one. I don't think my life will be any more "complete" perse, I just have an innate feeling to be a mother, to have a little one. And, as more and more of my friends have children and I watch them together, I feel such an emptiness that I can't completely explain.
Work has been a bit frustrating, too, but in a different way than I'm used to experiencing. I'm starting to get more of the beaureaucratic stuff, I loathe. I'm always one who is willing to bend, willing to adapt to help others. But with one of our new projects, we're delving into new territory and I have begun to feel as though some others see my research as inferior. I have actually been involved in a conversation where someone teetered on the edge of the phrase "my research is more important," but it was quickly averted. Right now, I'm just blah and no matter how much I pull on my bootstraps, they just keep stretching...
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