My favorite Christmas present

This year was one of the best Christmases I've ever experience. My nephew, Beau (Bo-bo) arrived on the 23rd and Mom and I toasted his birth day with a shot of Sake (the only liquor I could find at 1:30 a.m.). We got to spend time with all of the parents/grandparents and relax without driving so many hours.

While that was wonderful, I got a present I couldn't have even fathomed to request, my grandmother's writing.
Back story: 
I never knew my Dad's mother, for whom I'm named. She died before my parents were married and not until last year did I even know what she looked like. I've never been able to find out too much information about her from anyone. I know she was an artist. They had her paintings hanging up in Grandpa's house and Dad pointed them out to me from time to time. She loved classical music: Grandpa showed me her collection of records, Rachmaninof, Tchaikovsky, Bach in a box in the shed too damaged by the weather to be salvaged. I know she lost a daughter, Susan, either at birth or shortly thereafter who would have been between my dad and uncle in age. I found that out from my "Grandma Jo" who really isn't my grandmother, our family just adopted her as such and that's the only title she's had.
I don't know her birthday, I don't know when or how she died. My information about her ended there...until this Christmas.

When I got to my dad's house for our Christmas dinner, I found a book and a card for me. Inside was a note from my cousin, Jasmine. It read:

Dear Cousin,

I hope you enjoy this book of our grandmother's poetry! 

Please have Uncle Bob explain.

Much love, 

Jasmine

I can't even begin to count how many times I've read this note. The first sentence echoing in my mind and my heart, "our grandmother's poetry." Wow. She wrote poetry. Not only that, but the book that went with the card contains scanned copies of her writing. I now know what her handwriting looks like. She had good penmanship.

Turns out, the gentleman that bought my grandfather's house found a box under the house on Mother's Day this year and brought it over to my uncle's house. Jasmine found it and, realizing the importance it would have to the rest of us, started scanning pages. There are 28 journals, approximately 1200 pages of her writing. Some of it is original poetry; some are poems she enjoyed. There are a few dated 1942 and addressed to "a child in Europe." Either way, it's a piece of her I would have never, ever had access to or even known existed without my fabulous cousin. 

It was equally as surprising to my dad, who I don't think knew of the journals' existence. Jas included one special poem in his collection, a poem my grandmother most likely wrote about him. It is about giving him a bath and makes it sound like he was a toddler when she wrote it. Watching his face as we talked about this amazing gift, I could see his sweet heart swell. Face sullen, looking down, he was more than humble; he was grateful. So Jas, if you read this, please know you gave me and my dad a gift that was more than priceless. You introduced me to another part of our grandmother and you gave my dad back his mom. Even if it's only her words, it's her words so many years after she left. 

That, my friends, was my favorite Christmas present and one I'll always treasure.

2011 prediction

This is what I read tonight about my upcoming year. I'm looking forward to the introspection and stability, especially the financial part:

Year 2011 Overview

'Change' is your middle name at this point, Capricorn. You've been through more personal transformation in the past two years than perhaps in your entire life. The upside is that you're getting used to the intensity of it all. It helps that you're realizing the futility in holding on to people and possessions that only stunt your growth. So many layers continue to be shed on a daily basis but this also gives way to unquestionable personal power. Pluto in Capricorn will carry on for another 14 years; so if this is just the tip of the iceberg, imagine who you will be on the other side of your metamorphosis.

This year the focus shifts from a lifestyle focused on gadgets, information and social networking to introspection, home and family. You are about to encounter your most uncensored raw self on levels as of yet unprecedented. Ready yourself, Goat, because this spring an explosion of fiery planets in Aries sweeps the very base of your horoscope getting you back in touch with some of your most primal instincts. Competition, aggression and the need for plenty of physical outlets ensue.

Some long-standing money issues are finally coming to a finish as the planet of illusion and delusion gets ready to move on to your communication sector. You've learned to use your discrimination in choosing where to invest and where to spend. For the next 14 years, instead of worrying about money leakages you'll be working on mindfulness to avoid spacing out. In any case, your way with words is apt to become poetic and inspired, which can only make the world appear infinitely more beautiful.

Cluttered

It has been 3 weeks since the last episode and the level of relief I've experience is indescribable.

Perhaps because (or in spite of) this upheaval, I've noticed a significant shift in my own goal areas. I've been cluttered physically and mentally. I have been lacking the motivation to actually go above and/or beyond what is asked of me. The result? A cluttered life and mind. My desk at work is a prime example: piles of papers here; connected cords there; stacks of articles to read here; manuscript to work on there; and a huge list of future projects. It's all a mess. In addition, I was inspired during my music therapy conference to really do more. I met up with amazing women who are doing amazing things and are totally fulfilled in their lives and jobs. So I've decided to take that step, clean up everything, get it organized and Un-clutter. My bedroom is first, followed by my desk (but probably not a complete overhaul until next week) and then my website (which also means my mind). I've decided to take a step in a different direction and try to help others. My biggest fear is that I'll do something horrendously wrong, but my hope is that, if/when I do, someone will point it out to me and I'll learn something significant from it. I'm giving that a deadline of January as I start putting the pieces together. For now, the papers on my desk have moved from stacks to semi-organized piles, which will then be placed into their appropriate folders and containers from which they can be retrieved when needed or recycled.

Thursday marked one week without an episode (or at least one we noticed). The GrandDs came to visit and spent lots of quality time with the munchkin, aside from the stomach bug that ran through our home every 4 days. We had a wonderful time relaxing and laughing and playing. It. Was. Wonderful.
So I am thankful for this:
And so much more!

and we danced...

Much of the weekend was a girls' weekend with Matt traveling to Chicago to compete with EIBB. Friday night we chilled, literally, put our jammies on and just relaxed. I say our jammies because my kiddo totally did it on her own...and we're talking footed jammies. She was quiet for a while in that "what's my kid up to" kind of way, but when she came running into my room, opposite arm and leg in sleeve and footed long leg. I smiled. It was a great feeling. Then I watched her try to get the other foot in the shorter, zipper side. She gave it a go, then stated that she needed to do it in her room and when she returned, she had succeeded once again. I only provided support to get the last arm in place, but she totally did it on her own...all the way to the last zzzzzzip! She was proud of herself and she should be!
Saturday we stayed in our jammies much longer than one should if they plan on leaving their homes that day. Since we had no plans, we jammed out. And mid-morning, we literally, jammed out. She has a new LeapTop that she got with her birthday gift card from Opa and Jojo. It has a few songs pre-programmed (until her slacker of a mother actually downloaded the software to personalize it for her) and she loves to listen to the music. In fact, that's one of the only buttons she would push before. So she started playing with it and encouraged me to dance with her. Keep in mind, the songs are only about 30-45 seconds in length and include the standard nursery-rhyme types. Nonetheless, we went for it. We danced all out, jumping and bouncing and clapping after each song. I swear I had flashbacks to being 8 and just moving every part of my body to the music all while jumping as high as I could. Someone walking up to my door would have probably thought I was being attacked by bees, but I didn't care. Something about it was freeing and I felt like a lot of the stress, the anxiety, the frustration of the not-so-past few weeks flew out of my body and fell on the floor for me to land on (and perhaps stomp to oblivion) as I came down from each bounce. It was truly cathartic for me and we had fun. Fun--something I don't know that I've experienced that intensely in a while. Must. Repeat. Again!
The rest of the weekend, we hung out with amazing friends, almost lost Bobby at Outback (which has inspired me to try to write a story about the left-behind toys--unless there's already one out there), and welcomed Daddy home on Saturday. Sunday, we relished in the extra hour..er...I did especially well because some Daddy-daughter time was had while I got to sleep a little extra. Then we played and created a Gingerbread massacre in the driveway a la sidewalk chalk. I'm getting ready for the holidays (at least in my head). I'm also crafting Christmas presents. We'll see how many I actually get completed, but it's a nice goal to set for myself.