All kinds of catching up to do

This post will have to be an introduction to the many I still have coming out of my head. So let's see...In February I was crabby (gee, there's s shocker!). That comes and goes the like rising and falling of the tides. Sometimes I can handle the frustrating circumstances in which I find myself; other times, I think I put myself into those situations subconsciously because I either want to pout or need a good swift kick in the butt. Some parts of my world had become stagnant (and still are in some places). I think that's just par for the course. I've learned to deal, learned to manage and am learning to let go. Don't know why that last one is the hardest one to get, but surprise! It's now been a year since the GGs left us. I just found two unpublished posts about them. I'll still need to finish writing them and then proceed to the point of closure. Still not there in some ways. I do find it a bit ironic, that I return to those posts the week of my grandmother's estate sale. Tuesday I was a ball of tears in my office as I looked at the website that held her items, instantly linking memories to each picture (except for my mom's dollhouse we never knew was there), and being willing to give every last piece of her furniture away in exchange for another hug or word or smile. Heck, I'd even take another back-handed compliment or insult. Luckily, I saved a voicemail she left me on New Year's (in 2009, I think) that says, "Hi, it's Grandmother. I just wanted you to know I love you." I wonder if there's a way I can download it and save it forever. I'll have to ask Verizon. And, while I know it's set up to ask every 28 days or so, it always seems to pop up on a day where I really needed to hear her voice. Hmmm, cosmic perhaps? (okay, taking a break...crying again)
GG posts aside (or forthcoming), things at work were a bit tumultuous. Most of it was grant-related so I covered that on my "professional" blog. In short, we should have known in February what the outcome of our submission was. Instead, we were told we would find out in April...for a grant that ends in May. Many people chose the "glass-half-full" viewpoint while I just tried to keep my lunch down, or fight back a panic attack, anytime anyone discussed the delayed review. Then, in April, we were told our score was pretty bad and that we would have to rewrite. (Damn, that stinks.) But wait, it got worse...we had to have it done by June 1.That basically left a month to go through the reviewers responses, see what we can change and (for nearly every team) rewrite our proposals. The good news was that our bridging funds were/are being viewed positively in that there's a chance we'll be okay. (I'm still not completely certain since these were also the "glass-half-full" people)
In the midst of all of that, I attended a symposium in Greece (yet another post to write--just the fun stuff, not the work-stuff, which is already on the prof blog) and got to present not one, not two, but three different presentations. Each of which was invited to be published in a proceedings. I will probably submit one, but that may or may not happen due to potential drama associated with it...still waiting to find out.
But our grant is in, I may write a paper, and I have to prepare another talk and poster. In the mean time, the hubs is writing his dissertation....still...and hoping to finish this summer. The munchkin, well, she's just amazing. Smart. Funny. Caring. Polite. Golly, I love her!

I'm still paying it forward: I worked with my neighbor, Allison, to make bunnies to help fund her trip to Europe and also donated half of every sale. I think we raised about $200 (and if not I'm giving her at least that much). The hair is still long, but will be cut and donated. Oh, yes, it will.
My nephew arrived and brought with him a whole host of uncertainties, but he is now doing well. My cousin, Phil, is not. I was told yesterday he has been given 30 days. Days. I don't know what I would do if someone said I had a month to live. I'd probably make a bucket list like I've been told he is doing. I'll probably do something in his honor, as well. I'm still pondering that.
So prepare for a new flourish in writing (I hope). Lots going on and lots to say. Until then, blessings to you!

Pay-it-forward birthday

As I wrote, yesterday was my 34th birthday. And, somehow the predictions from the year in an earlier post are coming true, though not intentionally on my part. I am becoming more introspective. I also hope that I am ramping up my generosity and general goodwill towards man (even after the Christmas season).

I decided this year was going to be a pay-it-forward birthday.
First:
All of my bday money will be donated to the pay-it-forward goal of a wonderful Mama. I started reading her blog some time last year, after she was featured on an AOL something-or-other and was instantly hooked. I now read her blog daily and she doesn't even write a new post every day. She is an inspiring woman, wife, mother, photographer and all around human being. In addition, my wonderful brother (yes, it's written down now. can't take it back) and his beautiful wife will be having a little one with "Designer Genes" in March. Jackson will be amazing. I have no doubt. And because, he and Nella will have this commonality, I get an even warmer and fuzzier feeling when I know that my money, money I have no need for, will provide them opportunities to do whatever they want in life. Yay for NDSS.
Second:
The only fun thing I did for myself was schedule a hairdo. It's gotten really long and I thought, "What better thing to do on my birthday than donate it to the Locks of Love." I was one inch too short. Ugh, bummer. I even looked for others and found one that would have given me 2 inches to spare...no permanent die. For real? So, alas, that donation will wait for another day, but it will happen and I will link it to this birthday.
Third:
I did visit the ultra nice, not-so-inexpensive yarn shop. I bought some really pretty yarns. I plan to give it ALL away once it has reached it finished product. Why? Why not?

I hope I can keep doing this all year, this year of my internal personal development. It feels good and I like feeling good. I've also thought about starting some sort of business with screen printing or making items that say "Designer Genes." Would it be fun to have a special munchkin, child, adolescent who could flaunt what makes them special? I would love to do this and then give proceeds to NDSS. Then I could partner with various therapies and have shirts that say things like, "Music Therapists love Designer Genes." :)
It's still a work in progress, but the ball is a-rolling...Watch out world!

...add a dash of new adventures

...and my year is off! During my national conference in December, I was inspired by many of the music therapists I have known for several years. They're amazing men and women who are pushing the boundaries and sharing their knowledge with the world. So I decided to throw my hat into the ring, as well. Since I spend so much of my time in the world of research, I decided to see if there was a niche out there for me. *Poof* I have created a new website that will hopefully allow me to share my experiences and (limited) expertise with those who can benefit. And so "Notable Musique" is born. We'll see how long it lasts, but I have had so many ideas going through my mind for posts that I've got at least a few months worth of writing (and lots of drafts saved). This will still be my own, personal site for expression but I think it will be great to have another, more professional outlet. It will take care of some of that "Clutter" I've had building up.

My favorite Christmas present

This year was one of the best Christmases I've ever experience. My nephew, Beau (Bo-bo) arrived on the 23rd and Mom and I toasted his birth day with a shot of Sake (the only liquor I could find at 1:30 a.m.). We got to spend time with all of the parents/grandparents and relax without driving so many hours.

While that was wonderful, I got a present I couldn't have even fathomed to request, my grandmother's writing.
Back story: 
I never knew my Dad's mother, for whom I'm named. She died before my parents were married and not until last year did I even know what she looked like. I've never been able to find out too much information about her from anyone. I know she was an artist. They had her paintings hanging up in Grandpa's house and Dad pointed them out to me from time to time. She loved classical music: Grandpa showed me her collection of records, Rachmaninof, Tchaikovsky, Bach in a box in the shed too damaged by the weather to be salvaged. I know she lost a daughter, Susan, either at birth or shortly thereafter who would have been between my dad and uncle in age. I found that out from my "Grandma Jo" who really isn't my grandmother, our family just adopted her as such and that's the only title she's had.
I don't know her birthday, I don't know when or how she died. My information about her ended there...until this Christmas.

When I got to my dad's house for our Christmas dinner, I found a book and a card for me. Inside was a note from my cousin, Jasmine. It read:

Dear Cousin,

I hope you enjoy this book of our grandmother's poetry! 

Please have Uncle Bob explain.

Much love, 

Jasmine

I can't even begin to count how many times I've read this note. The first sentence echoing in my mind and my heart, "our grandmother's poetry." Wow. She wrote poetry. Not only that, but the book that went with the card contains scanned copies of her writing. I now know what her handwriting looks like. She had good penmanship.

Turns out, the gentleman that bought my grandfather's house found a box under the house on Mother's Day this year and brought it over to my uncle's house. Jasmine found it and, realizing the importance it would have to the rest of us, started scanning pages. There are 28 journals, approximately 1200 pages of her writing. Some of it is original poetry; some are poems she enjoyed. There are a few dated 1942 and addressed to "a child in Europe." Either way, it's a piece of her I would have never, ever had access to or even known existed without my fabulous cousin. 

It was equally as surprising to my dad, who I don't think knew of the journals' existence. Jas included one special poem in his collection, a poem my grandmother most likely wrote about him. It is about giving him a bath and makes it sound like he was a toddler when she wrote it. Watching his face as we talked about this amazing gift, I could see his sweet heart swell. Face sullen, looking down, he was more than humble; he was grateful. So Jas, if you read this, please know you gave me and my dad a gift that was more than priceless. You introduced me to another part of our grandmother and you gave my dad back his mom. Even if it's only her words, it's her words so many years after she left. 

That, my friends, was my favorite Christmas present and one I'll always treasure.

2011 prediction

This is what I read tonight about my upcoming year. I'm looking forward to the introspection and stability, especially the financial part:

Year 2011 Overview

'Change' is your middle name at this point, Capricorn. You've been through more personal transformation in the past two years than perhaps in your entire life. The upside is that you're getting used to the intensity of it all. It helps that you're realizing the futility in holding on to people and possessions that only stunt your growth. So many layers continue to be shed on a daily basis but this also gives way to unquestionable personal power. Pluto in Capricorn will carry on for another 14 years; so if this is just the tip of the iceberg, imagine who you will be on the other side of your metamorphosis.

This year the focus shifts from a lifestyle focused on gadgets, information and social networking to introspection, home and family. You are about to encounter your most uncensored raw self on levels as of yet unprecedented. Ready yourself, Goat, because this spring an explosion of fiery planets in Aries sweeps the very base of your horoscope getting you back in touch with some of your most primal instincts. Competition, aggression and the need for plenty of physical outlets ensue.

Some long-standing money issues are finally coming to a finish as the planet of illusion and delusion gets ready to move on to your communication sector. You've learned to use your discrimination in choosing where to invest and where to spend. For the next 14 years, instead of worrying about money leakages you'll be working on mindfulness to avoid spacing out. In any case, your way with words is apt to become poetic and inspired, which can only make the world appear infinitely more beautiful.